Best Quality Doorbells

Ding dong!
“Excuse me sir, can I interest you in a…”
There was a moments reprieve before…
Ding dong!
“Hello, I was just in your neighbourhood when…”
“Will this never end” Winston thought to himself, almost trapping his fingers in the door as he slammed it shut.

Winston marched out to the garden shed to fetch his toolbox. He then, at quite a considerable pace, walked around to the front of the house. Without looking, he grabbed the first tool that came to hand and started attacking the doorbell. Winston had a screw loose, and in less than a couple of minutes the doorbell had been completely removed from the wall.

“There! No more interruptions” said Winston, although none of his neighbours were around to see the look of achievement on his face. The doorbell lay on the front lawn as Winston went back inside to finish the Sunday crossword.

Later that evening, Winston was finishing the dishes, after one of the most relaxing Sundays that he could remember. When, out of nowhere… Ding dong!

“But, but” said Winston, bewildered. He walked to the hallway, almost going the wrong way, and opened the front door slowly. On the steps stood a tall, slim man in what appeared to be a tailored suit. His stance was initially intimidating to Winston. His feet were positioned exactly shoulder length apart, and his back was perfectly straight.

“Good evening sir, sorry to disturb you at this hour, my name is Colin and I’m from Best Quality Doorbells.” Winston leaned out of the doorway, looked to his right where the gap on the wall used to be. But now a brand new doorbell occupied that space. The large LED on the front was blinking uncontrollably.

“It’s just installing a new software update” said Colin.
Colin was about to speak again, before Winston interrupted him.
“But, why is it there in the first place?”
“Oh, that’s part of our upgrade program. You see, we noticed that a lot of our customers buy a doorbell just once, which isn’t good for business. So management came up with a clever marketing ploy.”
“Marketing ploy?”
“Yes, in the very literal sense of word.” said Colin, chuckling to himself. He continued, not giving Winston a chance to interrupt him again.
“We bombard our customers with door-to-door marketers, until someone feels compelled to destroy their doorbell. Then, when Best Quality Doorbells receives a notification indicating the destruction of said doorbell, we drive to their home and install the latest model. All with free delivery and installation. So, how would you like to pay?”